Random Thoughts

Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don’t think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it’s a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

I’m sorry, buddy, to have to be the one to tell you that she’s going to be attracted to the one with the hair trigger temper, the one who might be pushed over the edge to actually committing violence. It doesn’t necessarily make her a bad person, it’s what she’s learned through her not entirely pleasant life. She is going to gravitate toward that because that is what her primary male role model was, regardless of whether she hates it or not, she’s obviously choosing that even as I sit and watch. I’ve watched you try to be that guy and it doesn’t fit you. She sees that too, which is why she doesn’t give up those others.

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this won’t be the first time that I have to sit and watch your heart be broken and know that I have to let it happen because these are things you must experience and learn. You have years yet to live and learn and experiment and date. Eesh.

or writing or watching Buffy or something, anything but sitting here listening to much of the music that once meant something to me. Sound, voices, they touch the deepest part of me. When I hear certain things, I have a physical reaction to the sound, that’s the most simple way to put it.

This rum is so good, I can taste the vanilla on the tip of my tongue even as the rum burns down the back of my throat.

It’s been 20 years and I have no super clear memory. There are definitely parts I remember and parts I wish I could remember better and parts I wish I could forget. One last sip of rum as I try to finish this. I still feel he made a hell of a mistake, not necessarily the one I believed at the time, but a mistake non-the-less.

Since coherence isn’t my strong point just at the moment… too much going on in between typing thoughts, too many thoughts in between the typing….

I’m just saying. But that’s not why I’m writing today. That’s just because someone brought the subject up as I started typing.

Anyway, rant rant rant. It makes me crazy that some so called adults come in and make random grunts and squeals and gesticulate and expect me to know what they want. I’m not talking about hearing impaired people either, I mean college educated 20-somethings who should know better. It’s gotten so bad that I haven’t heard these people speak a complete sentence in 2 weeks. People if you want to be taken seriously or treated with any sort of respect, treat the people around you with some measure of respect!

So, I’ve been pondering something a friend wrote a while back. I’ve made a point of watching those around me and myself for the past 6 weeks or so only to come to the realization that to varying degrees, what he said was true. Is that a cause or effect? I know, as usual, I’m jumping into the middle of a self-debate without premising any sort of background info. Here it is: about 6 weeks ago a friend was in questionable straits and a couple of other friends offered to open their homes to him. He declined due to past experiences where there ended up being expectations and unspecified badness then followed. Which brings me to now, weeks later watching and listening and waiting.

Expectations are denied, but they are inherent in any relationship. I happen to believe that there is no such thing as “unconditional” because even if we believe we expect nothing from someone else, we still expect things from ourselves. Now, are these expectations cause or effect of the polite refusal of help? I think part of the issue is that in the time that our friend has been gone, we’ve all sort of filled in the blanks of what we don’t know with what we want to be. Whether it’s intricate new details or the idea that we’ll all be the same unchanged people the next time we meet. None of which is true. At this point I honestly don’t know.

In any case, our experiences make us grow as individuals and shape our opinions of those who touch us. Opinions breed expectations.

My head hurts now, I’m spinning down the rabbit hole trying to find where this spiral will end… if it has an ending.

We had to put our dog down today. Her illness was fast and furious. We’re not getting another.

There is a difference between loving and being in love. I believe we are capable of loving… truly loving… many people. But being in love with someone, well, that’s a whole different thing. I’m not sure why I need to differentiate, but I find I do. It’s a difference that means absolutely everything to me… and nothing.

can you really send positive energy to someone? will it really make a difference? I’d say “what can it hurt?” but honestly, not knowing the repercussions could hurt. will I try anyway? I just might.

what you can become accustomed to when choices are few