Random Thoughts

This has been on crazy summer. Not the type of crazy summer you have when you’re a teenager or even necessarily the good type of crazy. All sorts of busy with readjusting our lifestyle and relearning how to be social and how to enjoy life while wrapping up the still loose ends of the coffee shop. I imagine it’ll be another 6 months to a year before we’re completely untangled from that.

We’ve had some very good times this summer, though. Many evenings around the fire place with people who remind me that there is much more to life than being a hermit. Random walks with our new dog, Tess. New clients at work.

Recently a trip to House on the Rock. Everything about the trip made me happy. The drive there was filled with intelligent conversation with my boys & Heaven about conservation, music and the future. The place itself is filled with magic from 50 years of people coming to the place and pouring their energy into and receiving eclectic energy from a man’s eccentric tastes and collections and art. Most of the art is cheesy and tacky. Some of the art is mediocre at best and some is actually good. But all of it is impressive in its scope and excess. This fall they are apparently having a Masquerade Ball in honor of Neil Gaiman’s book American Gods, which touts The House on the Rock as one of the most magical places on Earth. Neil Gaiman himself will be one of the judges and the winners get to ride the carousal. I wonder what that sort of high energy will do to the place. I can’t wait to find out, though.

Yesterday the boys did their last scout fundraiser of the summer. An old car show down at the park. My folks always turn out for brats or burgers and the raffle… and they usually win something. This year, they won a “booze bucket”, which they gave to us. I’m still going to try to give my mom at least the bottle of Captain Morgan Tattoo. I was happy for the Black Cherry Cruzan, even though I really am not a fan of flavored rums (except Spiced). Also, there was Sour Apple Pucker and Lime Southern Comfort. We’ll see what *that* does to me. It tends to make my mom an unpleasant person, and makes Sheldon … we’ll say grumpy.

This week, the plan is to (finally) do my bathroom. Sadly, I can’t help. I don’t have the knowledge base with which to help and the space is too small for me to observe and learn. Maybe if i can talk my sweetie into tiling the dining room and kitchen I can learn then.

seriously, last night I was so warm, even after taking a nice cool shower, I was afraid that my feet were going to spontaneously combust!

Lesson for the future: do not choose the most humid days to turn off your air con and repaint a room. The windows needed to be opened because of paint smell, but DAMN, I must have sweated off a good 5 pounds over the last 3 days. One room down, one more to go… then random cleaning. I really hope I can get this last room all done in one day. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Today is officially the last day of our lease for The Afterdark. Today has been extremely stressful because of bureaucratic bullshit. All but one of our services has been successfully terminated. The last one is being challenging. I’ll deal with that phone call again tomorrow. It’s so challenging, in fact, that I’d recommend against using the service to people. Anyway, hopefully we’ll finish up the bills by the end of July.

There’s a guy who made a deposit to purchase a bunch of our equipment, he also has a meeting with the landlords on Friday. A new business for good ole downtown and the former Mission. Good luck to them both. I mean that in EVERY way possible.

I’ve nearly got coffee down here at home. Not as strong as the shop, but it doesn’t need to be, it’s still strong coffee.

Now I turn to next weekend and Independence Day… fun, family and friends.

So, I’ve been rereading a series of books by Laurell K Hamilton. I still maintain that the first 2 books are quite good, fairly well researched and worth reading. The following 4 books are decidedly a large waste of time and my hard earned money. They are not books that a person could pick up and read independently and have any clue what was going on. One of the books, Mistral’s Kiss, reads like this… the first 60-70 pages are one long drawn out sex scene, followed by a little bit of plot for another 60 or so pages, followed by another long drawn out sex scene at least as long as the first, followed by a battle, which isn’t really described to us but talked about where a good chunk of the participants are naked because of all the sex they’d been having. Then they all pile into a limo, then cliff hanger until the next book. That isn’t even the biggest problem I had with that particular book. The first sex scene of Mistral’s Kiss implies that the previous book, Stroke of Midnight, never even took place. It’s not until after that first 60 or so pages that Ms. Hamilton even acknowledges the events in the previous book.

I’m currently reading book #7 and if I remember correctly, there’s actually more plot than sex… maybe. I recently picked up book #8 and I’m really hoping that it’s the last book of the series, because I’m not sure I want to waste any more money on an author that just writes bad porn.

Ms. Hamilton, I hope that you go back to your earlier style of writing, that is what has kept me not only purchasing your books, but the hardcover versions because I know that’s where most of your revenue comes from. If your work continues to be this long drawn out incomplete crap, I might check out your future works from the public library… maybe.

that I had the opportunity to have known you. That you have touched my life and helped to shape my opinions about people and challenging situations. I only wish I would have had more time, I’d really hoped that I would have had the opportunity to work with you again.

There were these kids outside, just now, kissing goodbye in the doorway. I knew they were kissing goodbye because the young woman’s mom was sitting in the car waiting for her. My first thought was that’s sweet, then to ignore them. Then I decided that, public displays of affection should be appreciated and should be a reminder of what it feels like when you first meet someone and have all that potential for anything and everything. For love. When each time you kiss, the world goes away and there’s nothing as real or important as that moment.

See, I’m very lucky and I still get those moments with my sweetie. But I don’t view the world in the same way everyone else does. We change and grow as people all the time and I realize (and have discussed this with my sweet man) that he is most definitely not the same man I married all those years ago. He’s grown into a more complex, educated, tolerant person. Not that he wasn’t those things before, but before it was more potential than actual. I don’t realize this every day, but often enough to appreciate.

Sometimes I wish I could rant about certain things more publicly… or even say them right as I think them to the people who need to be told that their self view is in serious error!! GRARRRRRRRR! Instead I bite my tongue and get a sour belly as I think about where this society is headed.

So, what started this? A young girl came in today. She ordered a drink and as I’m making it I listen to her tell a story about how she was a the bar last night. No problem. What sets me off is her saying “I’m single and free, you can hit on me all you want.” The problem is, she is neither. Number one, she’s still married. Separated, true, but that kind of baggage is kind of important if you’re looking for a boyfriendly kind of guy. If your looking to have a one night stand, then it doesn’t matter. Number two, which is actually way more important, is you’re not single and free nor will you ever be because you’re a FUCKING PARENT!!!!

I’d always had concerns, given my genetics, that there might be some issues lying dormant. I never imagined what it would feel like to have the dam break so completely that I can’t fully remember what happened or what I said. The thing inside me is not completely repaired (or stuffed back into it’s overstuffed closet with a splintered door or whatever imagery you want to use), I don’t trust myself around certain people, yet. I never ever want that to happen again.

Seriously, it’s been a while. I’ve been enjoying Sheldon’s new schedule and my new work schedule (the not coffee shop schedule that is – where I only have to work 2 days a week). I’ve gotten into a groove that seems to be working fairly well.

While talking with Nate just now, I had a realization. It’s something that occurs to me now and then and depending on when I think of it I have different feelings about it. I realized that I play the part very well. I play my part of sidekick so well, in fact, that the people who *should* know better tend to forget that I’m not just the role I play. No, I’m not going to expand on it this time ’round. I’m content to leave it as it is. I am what I am, I say what I mean, what you see is what you get. Just don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’re seeing everything.

More later…

Just a quick couple lines for anyone who cares…

Sheldon’s job at UWSP is going well, he’s really enjoying it and himself and the people he works with. I haven’t seen him this happy with a job in a very long time (he enjoys the coffee shop, but it’s not the same thing). He really likes learning new cooking skills from his boss and being challenged to come up with better recipes. His recent graduation from college has inspired something that I thought I’d never see… Sheldon’s been reading books for enjoyment. He always read magazines, but books were always too long and his time too limited, but this recent picking up of actual books makes me super happy. Mostly because it inspired me to read more again, too. I’m so proud of Sheldon for sticking it out even though he didn’t always want to and even though he was stressed beyond endurance toward the end… especially during the job hunt.

My boys are growing up too fast. Donovan is doing the girlfriend thing, and the zombie thing and the dressing like a girl (only for Halloween) thing. Jacoby is being a teenager. Pushing his boundaries, but thankfully still keeping lines of communication open with us.

We have a new dog, Ozzy. It’s complicated, but he’s a good fit with the family. He’s a schmoozer and knows who to schmooze when and how. He’s got all of us wrapped around his little tiny Chihuahua paws!