Random Thoughts

I’d always had concerns, given my genetics, that there might be some issues lying dormant. I never imagined what it would feel like to have the dam break so completely that I can’t fully remember what happened or what I said. The thing inside me is not completely repaired (or stuffed back into it’s overstuffed closet with a splintered door or whatever imagery you want to use), I don’t trust myself around certain people, yet. I never ever want that to happen again.

Seriously, it’s been a while. I’ve been enjoying Sheldon’s new schedule and my new work schedule (the not coffee shop schedule that is - where I only have to work 2 days a week). I’ve gotten into a groove that seems to be working fairly well.

While talking with Nate just now, I had a realization. It’s something that occurs to me now and then and depending on when I think of it I have different feelings about it. I realized that I play the part very well. I play my part of sidekick so well, in fact, that the people who *should* know better tend to forget that I’m not just the role I play. No, I’m not going to expand on it this time ’round. I’m content to leave it as it is. I am what I am, I say what I mean, what you see is what you get. Just don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’re seeing everything.

More later…

Just a quick couple lines for anyone who cares…

Sheldon’s job at UWSP is going well, he’s really enjoying it and himself and the people he works with. I haven’t seen him this happy with a job in a very long time (he enjoys the coffee shop, but it’s not the same thing). He really likes learning new cooking skills from his boss and being challenged to come up with better recipes. His recent graduation from college has inspired something that I thought I’d never see… Sheldon’s been reading books for enjoyment. He always read magazines, but books were always too long and his time too limited, but this recent picking up of actual books makes me super happy. Mostly because it inspired me to read more again, too. I’m so proud of Sheldon for sticking it out even though he didn’t always want to and even though he was stressed beyond endurance toward the end… especially during the job hunt.

My boys are growing up too fast. Donovan is doing the girlfriend thing, and the zombie thing and the dressing like a girl (only for Halloween) thing. Jacoby is being a teenager. Pushing his boundaries, but thankfully still keeping lines of communication open with us.

We have a new dog, Ozzy. It’s complicated, but he’s a good fit with the family. He’s a schmoozer and knows who to schmooze when and how. He’s got all of us wrapped around his little tiny Chihuahua paws!

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Ranger (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-13
Dexterity-12
Constitution-13
Intelligence-14
Wisdom-14
Charisma-15

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter’s dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger’s Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Well, that’s obvious. I’ve been all crafty lately, making a gift for one of my dearest friend’s wedding. Making baskets and other things out of reused/recycled/renewed materials to sell at Krazy Dayz here in Point. Sent my boy off to the Windy City with his grandparents for a week of sight seeing. Dono and Sheldon have had boy time. And I’ve realized how very out of shape I am. Not that I mind excessively, but I really don’t want my meds kicked up at all so… there will be walking to the shop on days I don’t have to go to the other place. I’d love there to be biking, but my bike needs work. I never did get a nifty new bike like I wanted, I waited too long and CAP services shut down the Stanley Project. Stupid. That’s really all I’ve got. Until next time…

Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don’t think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it’s a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

I’m sorry, buddy, to have to be the one to tell you that she’s going to be attracted to the one with the hair trigger temper, the one who might be pushed over the edge to actually committing violence. It doesn’t necessarily make her a bad person, it’s what she’s learned through her not entirely pleasant life. She is going to gravitate toward that because that is what her primary male role model was, regardless of whether she hates it or not, she’s obviously choosing that even as I sit and watch. I’ve watched you try to be that guy and it doesn’t fit you. She sees that too, which is why she doesn’t give up those others.

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this won’t be the first time that I have to sit and watch your heart be broken and know that I have to let it happen because these are things you must experience and learn. You have years yet to live and learn and experiment and date. Eesh.

or writing or watching Buffy or something, anything but sitting here listening to much of the music that once meant something to me. Sound, voices, they touch the deepest part of me. When I hear certain things, I have a physical reaction to the sound, that’s the most simple way to put it.

This rum is so good, I can taste the vanilla on the tip of my tongue even as the rum burns down the back of my throat.

It’s been 20 years and I have no super clear memory. There are definitely parts I remember and parts I wish I could remember better and parts I wish I could forget. One last sip of rum as I try to finish this. I still feel he made a hell of a mistake, not necessarily the one I believed at the time, but a mistake non-the-less.

Since coherence isn’t my strong point just at the moment… too much going on in between typing thoughts, too many thoughts in between the typing….

I’m just saying. But that’s not why I’m writing today. That’s just because someone brought the subject up as I started typing.

Anyway, rant rant rant. It makes me crazy that some so called adults come in and make random grunts and squeals and gesticulate and expect me to know what they want. I’m not talking about hearing impaired people either, I mean college educated 20-somethings who should know better. It’s gotten so bad that I haven’t heard these people speak a complete sentence in 2 weeks. People if you want to be taken seriously or treated with any sort of respect, treat the people around you with some measure of respect!